We Aren’t Friends, Our Images Are

Nowadays, it comes as no surprise to come across someone who has unexpectedly deactivated their Instagram account. While some may find it odd that people dare to exist in the world without posting on social media, more and more people are choosing to live a social media-free life.

‘Euphoria’ Season 2, courtesy of HBO

The endless need to engage with others and the constant need for interaction are gradually and paradoxically disconnecting us from one another, causing us to lose our sense of “community” and “circle.”

Recently on TikTok, Arca (@arca.so), a platform focused on sharing information and discovering captivating content, asked its followers for their thoughts on a tweet by Lorena Ferikic. In her tweet, Ferikic discussed the strange effect Instagram has had on our culture, creating friendship with people we only keep in touch with by entertaining them. While we may laugh together about the same things, we fail to exchange meaningful ideas.

What Ferikic seemed to suggest is that, on social media—especially on Instagram—the content itself creates the connection, not the people behind it. The images are what we become friends with, not the actual individuals. The discussions that unfolded in Arca's TikTok comments section are both revealing and disheartening.

Screenshot of TikTok comment captured by the author

But one positive aspect of the internet is the ease with which we can connect with people we don't know and discover that we share a creative bond. It’s cool, fun, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Our posts may perfectly match our aesthetic, but what does it mean to have this kind of online connection? Being mutuals on Instagram can create the illusion of having a deeper relationship than it actually is, risking the misunderstanding of a shallow online friendship as a deeper and more meaningful connection that, guess what, does not exist.

Users who have deactivated their Instagram often claim that this decision has helped them refine their friendships. They experience relief in not having to waste energy trying to entertain “their friends,” yet there’s also a sense of sadness when they realize that most of these friends do not even notice their absence once they're gone.

Ceasing to post can result in losing up to 80% of one's social circle, making it challenging to quit social media in today's culture. Not posting can make you feel invisible, and a lack of engagement from one’s audience is often perceived as a cry for help, akin to shouting to the world that one is lonely and sad.

Posting on Instagram often stems from a desire for validation, which can be quite stressful. Performing for an online audience is not the same as building genuine connections. Behind our social media accounts, it's the perfectly curated and aesthetically pleasing images that create the illusion of connection; however, this connection is volatile and can never be translated into real life. Authentic connections are the ones we forge with people we see in real life. Friends are individuals with whom we share beliefs and feel valued. This concept also surely applies to family members and people we know in person; when someone only interacts with you on an online platform, merely liking a photo, it cannot be mistaken for genuine interest.

Deleting Instagram can have a bigger impact than one might expect. I myself didn't have Instagram for four years, and the friends who reached out to me had to really think of me; they had to make an effort to connect. Now that I'm back on social media, I realize even more how having a few close friends is better than having many acquaintances. It's strange to consider someone a friend only because we exchange memes in DMs. Today, more than ever, my commitment and emotional energy are dedicated to the people I see in real life—that's where the real connections are.

This is not an attempt to demonize the internet, which can inspire conversations and ideas. However, most young people who use social media are not so conscientious. Is it a problem of the target demographic, then? Many adults do not find it difficult to navigate social media without stress or complications. They argue that it's all about how one uses the internet, and being more mature does not make their point of view invalid or wrong.

A significant number of young people struggle with the anxiety of not feeling comfortable in social situations without seeking refuge in digital spaces. This difficulty in forming real-life communities has been a long-standing issue. Many individuals have trouble with conflict resolution, a skill they have lost or, worse, never developed. The challenge of creating non-online communities is further compounded by the desire for real-life spaces to reflect the curated aesthetics of their Pinterest boards.

via Pinterest

Attempting to create an online echo of the relationships we have in person can be exhausting and unnecessary. It often results in maintaining relationships that have naturally run their course and would have ended in real life; sometimes, that’s just how the natural course of things goes. This insistence on holding onto such ties keeps us stuck in the past, present, and future at the same time, preventing us from letting go of people who no longer genuinely benefit us. Instead, we keep them around simply because they engage with our social media posts.

The concept of community should be simple, but it's quite complicated. How can we build a real-life community in this digital age? Digital spaces provide refuge from the widespread loneliness that affects more people than we realize. It often seems that true connections can only be found online. For marginalized individuals, such as those from minority groups or rural areas, digital spaces can be empowering. They allow these individuals to see themselves and find a sense of belonging. The idea of community varies from person to person, but marginalized groups often demonstrate remarkable creativity in forming healthy and productive communities. This highlights their ability to shape human interactions and social media in significant and healthy ways, rather than in risky and harmful ones.

As always, when discussing the internet and human connections, we are left with empty hands. The responsibility lies with us—in how we use our digital tools and in the way we perceive people in our everyday lives compared to those on our screens. These two realities are increasingly intertwined and blurred, leading many to misunderstand what a genuine connection is about. This is not equivalent to living in a futuristic and developed society; rather, it feels like taking a step back a billion years.

To quote a recent comment on TikTok regarding friendships that turn sour if not maintained through online platforms: “It's so depressing.”