Reserved is Sexy
Do you know what’s exciting about this? That we are never the same. We change. Always. That’s called life. We move from one side to the other, looking for a new form of thrill that can make us feel alive. In doing so, we start to appreciate the value of the little things, even the ones we never considered. And this is how the sex appeal of today has changed. Finally, personality and genuine self-expression arise as the new leading drivers.
Barry Keoghan in Saltburn, Amazon Studios
If you’ve been keeping a bare minimum level of social attention lately, I’m sure you all would know about the most successful movies and TV series that climbed all the charts. Yes, Oppenheimer, Barbie, The Bear, and Saltburn had the internet buzzing for a long time, generating a giant aura of appeal and interest. But what’s interesting to know is how these movies managed to get to the top. Of course, the direction and the screenplay were outstanding, as well as the daily work put in by the crews. But one thing above all contributed to turning these titles into real blockbusters: the astonishing performances of the male actors in each movie.
So, now I’ll pick three totally “random” names, and your job will be to guess what they have in common. Here we go. Cillian Murphy, Jeremy Allen White, and Barry Keoghan. Attempt n.1: nope, not talent - taken for granted. Attempt n.2: nope, not even Oscar nominees or awards - too easy. Attempt n.3: Yes, sex symbols. That simple.
Jeremy Allen White, The Bear, FX
They are, as of today, some of the hottest male figures on the scene, being thirsted over by their age peers and younger generations as well. And for a while - I have to admit it - I’ve wondered what possible reason could have led people to see them as attractive sex icons. And then, it just hit me. They have reached an incredible amount of notoriety, respect, and success by using one simple attribute: simply being themselves. Reserved. Introverted. Silent at times. Even shy, if you will. And this clearly shows a shift in what human perception associates with being sexy.
Cillian Murphy, photography by Gregory Harris, GQ
If before, the prototype of the attractive and most sought-after man was portrayed by Michele Morrone - international actor who gained recognition for playing the role of Massimo Torricelli in the 2020 erotic romantic drama 365 Days, today's story is quite different.
The attitude of staying in the shadows, not having to show off at all costs, is seen as a sign of power and confidence, paving the way for a new lifestyle that makes latent appeal its leading seduction weapon. And at times, even the fact of being oblivious to our hotness is the biggest turn-on on Earth. That’s because people like humbleness and genuineness over cockiness and insincerity, and therefore even the fact of not knowing makes you vulnerable, true, and attractively immature. Now, it has come the time to reflect on a few details. Let‘s be honest. Since the very first moment each of us entered the world, we‘ve been living under the influence of what others have told us to think, see, and dream of. One of these aspects has certainly disguised itself as an aspiration towards a specific aesthetic standard, rooted in ancient Greek culture. Tall, well-proportioned, muscular. Michelangelo‘s David in Florence, just to be clear. Now, let‘s revise what has just been said by asking ourselves if those three names mentioned at the beginning of this piece, objectively embody the beauty standards outlined a couple of lines back.
Well, I’ll give you some stats. Jeremy Allen White - perhaps the only one out of the three to tick the “muscle” box - is 5′ 7′′. Cillian Murphy, 5′ 8”, and not in a super muscular body condition. Barry Keoghan, 5′ 8′′ as well, with the same slight build as Murphy. Let’s say - with almost absolute certainty - that not a single one of the three actors has ever been known for being a sex icon in the past. And still tracing it back to the Greeks, we could even add that the faces are not symmetrically perfect, in a matter of proportioned distances of facial traits such as mouth, eyes, and so forth. In light of this information, do they fit the profile? Not a chance. But at the same time they do. Because they are the sex symbols of today and that will count for something, won’t it? This tells us so much about how society has changed over time, disrupting convictions and conceptions rooted in centuries of history. We‘ve made some steps forward and, obviously some steps backwards, but what I think it is important to pinpoint is the progress we made when it comes to being free. To think. To act.
Going back to the beauty subject, we’ve always been told what the standards were. What to like, what to dislike. What to accept and what to condemn. No wonder why our brain has registered this information over time as unremovable dogmas. But then something happened. Imagine a scenario where you're obligated to look in one direction only, with no freedom whatsoever. Imagine the same scene going on over and over again for days, months, years, decades, etc. What do you do then? The most predictable thing. You, we rebel. We started convincing ourselves that we had to stand up for something we truly believed in. We wanted to be our own masters, deciding what to like, purely based on our hearts and honest feelings. We understood one simple principle: beauty is everywhere and beauty is everything. There’s no such thing as a standard of beauty. It might have worked before, but not today. Being beautiful, or sexy is the conglomerate of so many elements combined that there is essentially no formula at all. There is no recipe because every situation is different. Every human being is different. Personality, attitude, and convictions have become way more impacting than other physical traits, relying merely on objective stereotypes. The way we behave, and what we do are the traits that define our persona. In short, we can gain an important lesson from all of this and notice that there’s absolutely no need for a long explanation here. Confidence. Pure and simple confidence.
We need to believe in ourselves. We should operate a shift, going from “What if they don’t like me?” to “Why shouldn’t they like me?”. Changing the narrative and the mentality rooted in our brain is the given for being strong, beautiful, and accomplished. Because if we feel like that inside, showing it to the world will require no additional effort. And trust me, acting out, showing off, and flaunting will no longer get you the win.
