Just A Girl
“I’m Just A Girl!” we collectively shout and sigh in equal measure as life keeps throwing random inconveniences our way. This sentiment is essentially a reclamation of an offensive and patronising thought, and it has resonated deeply with women in the recent period. But what is actually behind it? And how did bold expressions of girlhood become trendy?
No. 21 Spring 2024 Ready-to-Wear, shared via Vogue. Model: Anouk Smits. Photo by Daniele Oberrauch / Gorunway.com.
No matter who you are or how much you follow pop culture, you probably noticed that 2023 was very much centred around women embracing expressions of girlhood that seemed less constrained and less apologetic than in past years. This was, of course, partly an aftermath of momentous pop culture moments such as Greta Gerwig’s Barbie and Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour. However, the wave they started was strong enough for DAZED to dub that year The Year Of The Girl. The coquette aesthetic overwhelmed our For You pages, hyperfeminine style and makeup came back in full swing, concert friendship bracelets were exchanged, and we dressed in full pink attire to go see the Barbie movie with women we love. We finally started being girls again - this time, fearlessly, unapologetically, and with much bigger budgets.
It might seem like a regression, or running away from adulting. However, embracing girlhood has had an incredible impact on women across the world and provoked us to think about our desperate urge to heal our inner girls and give them the freedom and space they deserve in our adult lives. More often than not, societal circumstances force young girls to grow up too soon and start taking themselves too seriously so that other people might too. Girly interests are made fun of, and girls are automatically viewed as less than if they’re wearing pink and playing with dolls past the extremely young age when it’s deemed acceptable. So, no wonder we’re desperately trying to bring back innocent childhood joy when we haven’t been allowed to feel it in the same capacity for a very long time. Isabel Cristo wonders for The Cut “What is it, exactly, that’s so uninviting about being an adult woman?”, and that’s just it - being an adult woman in the contemporary world is fundamentally unappealing. And it seems like we’ve found a small but significant way to rebel against the norms put on our adult lives.
But there’s much more that comes with tuning into your inner child and listening to her wishes. Embracing girlhood and girly interests all over again has (incrementally) slowly but surely started moving our focus away from the male gaze and towards the female one. Or, in other words, our own. And even just a little taste of existing under your own rules can be life-changing. Wearing colourful eyeliner and Hello Kitty hair clips might make a lot of people think you’re ridiculous, but it will bring you childlike joy and probably an unexpected compliment from another woman in your local café. And it doesn’t stop at clothing or hobbies either. Once you start picking your outfit based on what brings specifically you the most happiness and confidence, other things start snowballing into an avalanche. Maybe you start realising that intuitive eating is not your enemy, having a weight scale in your house is doing you more harm than good, and that listening to your body and its needs without critiquing them is bringing you more peace than ever. An infinite number of opportunities opens up when you are not constantly worrying about being societally palatable every second of every day.
The concept of decentering men or decentering the male gaze has been talked about more and more recently, and, in practice, it looks different for everyone. Like everything else on this planet, it has its own Reddit thread where women discuss how they practice decentering the male gaze in their own lives. Though a lot of experiences differ significantly, some patterns emerge as a common thread throughout the comments. For example, one of the big ones is making choices based exclusively on own wishes and thoughts, without factoring in whether or not it will displease men around you, as well as trying to worry less and less about how your looks or behaviour appear to men when going about your daily life. Another one is refusing to engage in patronising and condescending debates with men that are just meant to humiliate you and never meant to be an actual discussion.
Of course, it goes without saying that practicing this is incredibly hard, and sometimes even a question of having to do something purely for safety purposes. Additionally, this process differs for straight and queer women. Many queer women have reported finding it easier to decenter the male gaze because they have a community to turn to that likely shares their interests and opinions, while heterosexual women have significantly more trouble with it because there’s simply not many spaces for them that embrace decentering men. If men are your love interests, can you truly ever decenter the male gaze or is it an impossible uphill battle? Some women comment on this by saying they’re trying to be unapologetically themselves without worrying how they appear to men, and they trust that someone who is right for them will come along and love them just as they are. Almost like a filter of sorts for the right partner. Others decide to focus on fostering their relationship with themselves, and their friendships with other women, since they deem it beneficial to spend their free time in predominantly female environments.
Wherever you are in your journey of embracing girlhood, remember that you are allowed to be whoever you are and want whatever you want without worrying about fitting into societal expectations. And, slowly but surely, you might find yourself occasionally feeling more childlike wonder than you knew you could still experience. Next time you decide to put a plushie keychain on your purse just for the fun of it, know that you are also undeniably committing an act of rebellion.
