Crazy little thing called Love
Once upon a time, a professor told us that nothing was stronger than fear itself. Amongst all the human feelings, it’s the only one really dominating our lives. But, in retrospect, I’d like to disagree. Is there anything more powerful than love?
Clive Coote/Polygram/Kobal/Shutterstock via Vogue
Movies often show us idealized versions of a love that is 2000-years-far from reality, and yet we continue to be drawn to these stories. Are we masochists? Do we find pleasure in believing in something not of this Earth? If this is not your case, answer this: Why do we keep watching and falling for these romantic tales despite knowing they are fictional? Your turn, I’m all ears.
It’s always been like that. Since the origin of time, parents have read their children bedtime stories to put them at ease and finally get some sleep for themselves. And us - the children - we have always found pleasure in believing in legendary fairy tales that would place our subconscious in a state of stillness and comfort. What’s the only difference between then and today? Now, we know they were fictional. But - quite frankly - does it matter? Would it change anything? Probably not. Because for those 30 minutes or less before going to dreamland, we immersed ourselves in a kingdom of hope, happiness, and carefreeness. And this is the very same reason why we keep on falling for those romantic cheesy movies the TV loves to present.
Everything finds a precise explanation disguised as a physical mechanism happening in the back of our brains. Ever heard of dopamine? The feel-good neurotransmitter? Well, it seems that watching romantic movies triggers its release, generating the feelings we know so well of pleasure and reward. We feel great. Seeing a love story that - regardless of many vicissitudes - finds its own path to happiness, fills our hearts with joy and satisfaction. And this leads us to the reason why we want it more and more. The pleasurable feelings transmitted by dopamine create a positive feedback loop, where we go on a search for romantic movies to live those emotions again. But this is not all obviously. The explanations we can find behind this feeling of pleasure lay their foundations in a stack of many other factors typical of our human nature.
Escapism. Life today is hard. Especially for young people willing to find their place in the world. We need to work hard to land stressful job positions. Everything has a cost, and our wallets do not always meet the needs of life. We have no time to jump on real relationships. Because - as I said - we have no time. We live a frenetic existence, where the only free time we have is used to try to stay in shape and unwind in drinks and socials. Romantic movies were born for a reason. To entertain. To make people dream. To catapult us into a different world, where no rules apply. What do you think happens when somebody is forced to live in a world where most of the time they are never fully happy? Just like a prisoner would do, we evade. We break out. We escape because that’s the only way we know to obtain some peace. That hour and a half of cinema allows us all to get lost in a maze we don’t really want to get out of. All we want to do is to watch something that has nothing to do with reality. As we can’t normally fly and explore the universe, Hollywood is the perfect recipe that can reserve us a seat on a ready-to-depart rocket ship.
If we went out for fishing in the industry sea, it would be interesting to see what would come out of it. TVs literally drowned us in an endless loop of movies where the script is pretty much always the same. There’s a she and a he. They both want each other but some misunderstanding along the way complicates things. He goes for it and walks across oceans and obstacles to finally get the woman he wants. But guess what? She grows weary of the situation and decides to play hard to get. But then she realizes that she’s probably taken things too far and goes back on her steps. At that point, the situation gets reversed. Now, he’s the one playing hard to get. Long story short, they both take a step forward at the end and live happily ever after. Notting Hill has taught the importance of fate, perseverance, and love at first sight. Hugh Grant wins the lottery when Julia Roberts walks into the bookstore. It’s a moment of instant abstract connection. Two minds quickly finding a common ground, where the exchanged looks say much more than simple words spoken. They chase each literally and metaphorically. It’s a maze where each one gets stuck somewhere because they have no clue where to go. At some point, though, they meet in the middle and they go full-mode. They risk all of it. For what? For Love. And how could somebody ever ask us not to completely melt down at the sound of “I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”?
The Notebook? If you were to say that you haven’t watched it yet, that should be a crime. One of the most tear-jerking stories we’ve ever had the chance to witness with our own eyes. A story that teaches us that it is not over until it’s over. A manual on how to keep on believing in things we truly feel attached to. A call to action to do things that matter to us when our hearts say so. The couple made of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams takes us on a two-hour journey, that seems more a roller coaster of emotions rather than a simple peaceful trip. Our levels of dopamine touch the sky, putting us in a situation where we can’t help but interact and gesticulate.
In 1990 - 9 years prior to the release of Notting Hill - Julia Roberts already made us fall in love with the idea itself of Love. The story of a young girl - rising from a ground of difficulties, failure, and disappointment - crosses paths with another one starring Richard Gere as its leading character. An unlikely match between a multi-millionaire man and a doomed to poverty girl. But guess what once again? He falls for her. He could’ve had all the actresses in the entire universe but he chose her instead. This time, this is a story that teaches us the importance of not taking anything for granted. Anything can happen. Life can impose many things on our existence, but one above all will remain untouchable until the end. No one will ever be able to tell our hearts what to feel. There’s no manual of instructions on how to use our emotions. There’s no answer for it.
What else comes to mind while watching these masterpieces? What is that one thing that characterizes people? That feature that sets us apart from robots and machines? The ability to mentally interact. The self-identification of ourselves in others. We don’t only fall for romantic stories because they inspire us and they make us dream with open eyes. Another detail that comes into play is our inner skill to see our reflection in those fictional characters. It’s not merely Hugh Grant we see, but rather the projection of our memories in the story he lives. Witnessing a journey made of alternated pain and joy, it gives us the possibility to relive once again those emotions. Who hasn’t felt like that at least once in their lives? Who hasn’t felt the strength of a devouring passion that consumes us to the bones? That’s what we do. It’s not being narcissistic. It’s not about being at the center of attention. But rather the automatic mechanism that takes place in our brain and that randomly draws memories from a wide and deep bowl. We can’t help it. It’s a natural reaction that happens every time we see something we already went through. And love is certainly no stranger to anyone.
Last but not not least. What is the common background behind all these pieces? The one connector that creates the puzzle? The world is beautiful because of its inner variability with individuals who take on different sides in singular situations. Some are strong-willed. Others need a little push on their backs. Some wake up in the morning dreaming of a better future, while others actively put themselves in the game to drive change. But no matter what you think. No matter what your convictions are. It’s not even important if you consider yourself a romantic. What counts is the precise effect these movies have on every single human being regardless of the ideas, interests, and vision of the military. While watching Titanic, Notting Hill, Pretty Woman, or The Notebook you can’t help but think “What if”. Do you know what this is called? Hope, optimism. Even if you see yourself as a negativist, pragmatic, and cynical, you’ll have to surrender to the overwhelming positivity brought by these Hollywood masterpieces. You’ll create your own illusion. A second and parallel reality that wouldn’t have anything to do with our world. But can we be honest? Yes, it would be stupid to fall for what TV makes us believe. Every brand, channel, and movie will make us see what they want us to see. It’s the power of marketing and storytelling. But would it really be a problem if we enjoyed falling for this parallel world even just for a couple of hours? Let me tell you. It’s no crime. It doesn’t mean we are stupid. It doesn’t mean we are so dumb not to be able to distinguish what’s real from what’s fiction. It simply means we are humans. Sometimes, we need something that takes the edge off a reality that is tough and cynical. We need this. We need love pumping in our veins. We need that thrill to keep us alive. We need dreams to keep on chasing.
